We don’t know how we know, but we know or, at least, we suspect. That little inkling, that nagging feeling, that instinctual reaction: whatever you want to call it, it’s real. And if your gut is telling you that something is wrong between you and your intimate partner, you ignore it at your own risk.
We may feel silly listening to our gut feelings. Going with the gut is not something that enjoys a great reputation; plenty of people are convinced that they know better than their own nagging suspicions, much less anyone else’s. But despite the distrust we might have for instincts or “gut feelings,” the reality is that they’re backed up by science. If you have a nagging suspicion about a partner, there’s likely a reason for it.
Gut feelings are real
We don’t actually feel anything with our gut, of course — it’s all in our brains. But, neuroscientists say, our brains do a lot of “thinking” and “feeling” that isn’t conscious at all. Our brains don’t only do what we tell them to, and they also don’t limit their data to what we’re consciously thinking about.
So when you get an intuition, it’s not coming out of the blue. Your gut feeling is your brain looking at all of the available data, including some things that you may not even have consciously noticed. And your brain is drawing conclusions based on your experiences and knowledge.
This can lead to false alarms, to be sure — our past can make us more suspicious. But it also reveals that gut feelings are far from random fears and superstitions. Intuition is much more logical than you might realize.
So if you’re feeling weird about an intimate partner and suspecting cheating for reasons you can’t quite articulate, there’s a good chance that things are going on that your subconscious has caught onto. You’re not psychic, but if you’re in a rocky patch with your partner and having trouble communicating, or if your partner’s behaviors have changed just enough to set off subconscious alarm bells, then you might just be onto something. Intuition is made for stuff like this — tricky emotional secrets that reveal themselves in small ways that you may not even realize you’re noticing.
Finding out the truth
In a healthy relationship, it’s OK to ask for reassurances about potential cheating. But it’s also important to remember that our partners aren’t always honest with us and that cheating is not the only destructive thing about a relationship that can ruin communication, disrupt sex lives, and trigger scary gut feelings.
Review the symptoms of cheating partners and think carefully. If you don’t trust your partner, you need to find a way to get the truth. If your partner is cheating, you deserve to know; if your partner isn’t, you can use this opportunity to focus on the relationship and start rebuilding trust, if that’s what you want.
Turn to privacy and security experts to get the truth. You can track a person by phone number, review financial records, or even have a private investigator tail your partner. With this kind of information, you can learn with certainty whether anything “extracurricular” is going on that you need to know about.
You need to be prepared for whatever you may find. Your gut feeling happened for a reason, and it’s possible that your instincts were right. You deserve the truth, and you deserve to be protected. Start considering how you’ll move forward mentally, emotionally, legally, and financially. Then trust your gut, make a call, and get the truth.
